IʼM NOT THE SAME. By Natalie Lou Ritter

a poem written by a former SASer that, again, sums up all my feelings. 

 

IʼM NOT THE SAME. By Natalie Lou Ritter

 

Forgive me, Mom,

Iʼm Not the Same

I think you knew that I would change

I couldnʼt stay so long at sea
And not come home a different me.

 

Iʼve been to the Mekong; the Amazon, too

The things that Iʼve done: if only you knew.

Iʼve paraglided in the Andes Mountains 

Said a prayer at Hiroshima fountains

Iʼve jumped off of cliffs down river gorges

And from the Ganges saw burning corpses

Iʼve seen the Taj; Climbed the Great Wall

Iʼve Jumped Out of Planes; Iʼve done it All

Climbed to the Golden Rock in Myanmar

I Donʼt think I ever have climbed that far.

Monasteries, Pagodas, Temples and Shrines

Horseback riding in Stellenbosch; sampling wines

I dove with sharks and jumped off a bridge

I Forced Myself to Really Live.

 

Sure, All these things can be relayed


In the photo albums thatʼll be displayed


But to convey all this will be demanding—

Experience is Nothing Without Understanding.

 

So Forgive me, Mom, if I Start To Cry

For all of the things I really canʼt describe:


Walking next to dead bodies in the road


Not reaching out to a childʼs hand to hold.

The people in poverty and those afraid to speak

 For fear if they do, theyʼll be in jail the next week

 Because their government has such a watchful eye.

 All the people with AIDs , getting ready to die.


The beggars in India who walk on their hands 

Because theyʼre diseased and unable to stand


And the people in shacks who sleep inches apart 

Offer only a smile and it rips out my heart

 

Iʼve seen beauty and devastation Iʼve felt sorrow; 

Iʼve felt elation Iʼve seen birth and Iʼve felt death;

Forgive me, Mom, but what is left?

 

So if you could, Mom, just give me time 

When I come home, let me unwind
I need a moment to just. Stand. Still. 

Please understand (Iʼm sure you will)

 

I couldnʼt stay so long at sea

And not come home a different me


So long as I change, the world changes, too 

But be proud, Mom, because I came from you.